| So long... |
[20 May 2005|09:51pm] |
Bad Night. Hoping for some goodness.
Farewell, SeanzyTheWhite.
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| Done out of pure fucking hate... and because i have no fucking cigarettes |
[19 May 2005|03:59am] |
About me:
-My names Nev. -I also happen to be 6'4 and weigh 260 pounds -Music is my life, literally. I listen to mostly hardcore, metal, death metal, hard rock, alternative, and other various genres/artists. -I'm pretty damn nice, unless your mean, in which case, you won't like me, and I won't like you. -If you think your the shit, chances are....I won't like you too much at all. -I'm the best a reading people, so if your an asshole, I'll know. -I comment pretty much everyone on my friends list, regardless of the amount. -Snobby people may apply elsewhere, do not waste my time. -If you add me just to make your list bigger, and not even give me at least one comment, I'll delete you, plain and simple. -My aol SN is RumbleJinn626, and my aim SN is Zer0cool626. -Do not IM me and say "whos this" because I'll reply with either a sarcastic remark, or just ignore you. -If you are older then me, thats fine, but if you treat me like a toddler, I won't like you, you have not experienced something in life that I haven't except for maybe menopause, pregnancy, or a diploma. -I don't find myself attractive, whatsoever. -And thats it for the most part.
Music:
3 Doors Down, 12 stones, 30 Seconds to Mars, 36 Crazyfists, 40 Below Summer, 311, The Agony Scene, alexisonfire, Alice in Chains, All That Remains, Alter Bridge, Amen, American Head Charge, Arch Enemy, ArmsBendBack, As I Lay Dying, The Ataris, Atreyu, Audioslave, Audiovent, Avenged Sevenfold, Black Label Society, Blank Theory, Bleeding Through, BOYSETSFIRE, Breaking Benjamin, Bush, Caliban, Candlebox, Celldweller, Chevelle, Children of Bodom, Chimaira, Chris Isaak, CKY, Closure, Clutch, Coal Chamber, Cold, Cradle of Filth, Crossfade, Crystal Method, Damageplan, Danzig, Days of the New, Default, Demon Hunter, Devildriver, Diecast, Dimmu Borgir, Disturbed, Dog Fashion Disco, Dogfight, Dope, downthesun, Dropbox, Drowning Pool, Dry Kill Logic, Earshot, Edgewater, Eighteen Visions, Element Eighty, Finger Eleven, Five Pointe 0, Flaw, From Autumn To Ashes, Fuel, Gavin Rossdale, Glass Casket, God Forbid, Godsmack, Green Day, Haste the Day, Hatebreed, The Haunted, He is Legend, Heaven Shall Burn, Hoobastank, .hopesfall., Ill Nino, In Flames, Into Eternity, It Dies Today, Jimmy Eat World, Killswitch Engage, Korn, Lacuna Coil, Lamb of God, Lifehouse, Lifer, Limp Bizkit, Living Sacrifice, Lollipop Lust Kill, lostprophets, Machine Head, Marilyn Manson, Maroon 5, Martyr A.D., Meshugga, Metallica, Misery Signals, Mnemic, Moonspell, Most Precious Blood, Motograter, Mudvayne, Mushroomhead, My Ruin, Nickelback, Nine Inch Nails, Nonpoint, Offspring, Otep, Our Lady Peace, Ozzy, Pantera, Papa Roach, Pearl Jam, A Perfect Circle, Poison The Well, Powerman 5000, Professional Murder Music, Ra, Rammstein, Raunchy, Remembering Never, Revis, Rob Zombie, Scars of Tomorrow, Scooter, Seal, Seemless, Seether, Seven Wiser, Sevendust, Shadows Fall, Shinedown, Sinch, Skid Row, Skillet, Skindred, Skinlab, Skrape, Skyfire, Slipknot, Smile Empty Soul, Soil, Soilwork, Soulfly, Spineshank, SR-71, Staind, Static-X, Stone Sour, Story of the Year, Submersed, Suffocating Amy, Sugarcult, Sum-41, Superjoint Ritual, Switched, System of a Down, Taproot, Theory of a Deadman, Three Days Grace, Thrice, Throwdown, Time in Malta, Train, Trapt, Twelve Tribes, Twisted Method, Twisted Sister, Unearth, Union Underground, Unloco, The Used, Velvet Revolver, Vertical Horizon, Watch Them Die, Zao
(I want to kill every girl on his friends list with a load of semen to each of their heads)
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| 3pillows |
[19 May 2005|02:23am] |
This is it, folks.
Earlier in the night a large group of younger asian men checked in. While bringing there stuff in through the lobby i saw that one was wearing a Darth Vader mask and carrying a red light-saber. All of them were laughing giddily and i laughed right along.
The majority of news i have heard from those fortunate enough to have already seen it prior to tonight (and by the way those of you seeing it tonight suck) has been very positive. I can only think of one wholeheartedly bad review i have read and that was from Brennan. It was cruel but makes me wonder just how close Anakin and Palpatine get in this film.
Anyway, to those who have not seen it and intend not to like it, i feel pity for you. Not because i believe it will be good.. i know it will be. Just like the other prequels were, in this sense im trying to convey. I pity you because your causing undue stress to yourself. And if you have nothing but hate in your heart for these prequels, then you really need to start pondering what meant so much to you about the first trilogy. And the words 'it was just better' doesnt fucking cut it.
Now, dont get me wrong, i was just as disappointed as you were with the first two. I fell asleep during the pod-race scene and tried hard to fall asleep during the romance scenes and was watching every scene featuring Jar-Jar Binks and waiting for him to impale his dumb ass on ANYTHING just like the rest of you. Even if Episode 3 is just as bad as the other prequels, we have no choice but to love it. Only those who saw Episode 1 and then actually swore off of any others has the right to gripe.
Too many people make a great case as to why Lucas has lost his touch, but then jump right into fucking line when the new one comes out.
We have no choice but to simultaneously love and hate these movies. Because there will be no others. A rogue Star Wars fan wont come around years later and make the 'right prequels'. This is what we have been waiting for. This is all there is. And its not so much what hollywood has made of it all as our grand desire to see this story completed. It may feel funny, but its the only way we can see how it all came to be. And really think about how much worse they could have been.
If the 3rd is unlikable to you in the same fashion as the others, then do me a favor. Go home, watch the original trilogy from start to finish, then never watch any of it again.
This is it folks.
Its 'Star Wars' for whatever its worth ultimately becomes.
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| Dont make me pull a Dr. Greene, woman! |
[19 May 2005|12:56am] |
At 9pm this evening my alarm started going off. I didnt fully realize this until 4 and 1/2 minutes later when i awoke from paralysis and truly the most frightening dream-state i have ever been in.
In a dream-state things seem more fantastical and illogical when compared with this reality.
Have you ever had a nightmare that you knew wasnt real, but you were still incapable of stopping it?
Being as i am fully conscious right now, its hard to remember every relevant detail. Though i remember with clarity the incredibly heightened sense of fear in my paralysis, and a sense that something i couldnt turn my head to see was slowly coming for me. Something infinitely more evil than the red glow from my alarm clock that i was facing (like i said, more fantastical), something with a fainter but more malicous presence (inches away from my right ear perhaps.. a ghostly and quiet whisper?). I remember producing an eerie moaning or whining sound through my sleep-state into reality (a cry for help?). In this state one cant really formulate words, i suppose.
My wanting to wake up was so desperate that i was able to keep these things in the background while i made attempt after attempt to simply move any part of me that might lead my body in the direction of the alarm clock, because i knew that if it were shut off i would be safe. Maybe it was as if the shrill sound was allowing for the entrance of this terrifying presence from wherever evil resides. Could it have been full consciousness that i was fearing so much? If so, one can guess at what an oddity the sub-conscious really is.
More and more the fear built up, i went from trying to reach the alarm with my dead right arm, to actually trying to smash it with the keyboard on my bed (somehow this seemed more plausible then actually just trying to move my arm). I guess i wasnt thinking straight, not until an idea came to me so quickly, that its plan of action was executed before the thought finished.
I cracked my neck. Just once, to the left.
This brought me from what seemed like a staged or false reality to a groggy state of doubtless consciousness, and i was then able to hit the snooze button, get out of bed and turn on my light. Oddly enough, there wasnt so much the lingering nightmare-after-effect as there was relief. In the sunken dream-state, i had no assurance that i would ever be able to move again, reality or not. There was also a strange sadness in the dream, too. Comparable to a Trigun dream i had a while ago which i described elseware on livejournal, but theres no need to get into that.
My arms were numb, i had slept on them wrong, i suppose.
I still dont know how much of what i noticed was here or submerged in psyche, but i dont think i have ever experienced them so close together.
Sometime after i had gotten ready for work and was preparing to leave, i heard my god-niece crying. She was telling her father about a bad dream she had had.
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| NewsShoes |
[18 May 2005|01:48am] |
Kids, its time to level with you all. A High School Diploma just doesnt hold the power that it used to. But you know what promises a better future?
The US army!
Graduation a still a few years off? The US Army can help... you forge your diploma.
Got a gimp leg or piss-poor eyesight? The US Army can help... you enlist despite medical disqualifications.
Go to any one of our teeming billions of recruitment offices across the country and sign up now for our shortest enlistment period ever of only 15months (plus 2years in the Reserve or National Guard, then finishing your 8year military obligation in 'volunteer' programs).
It that easy! Go to http://www.army.mil/ to find out more!
-=-=-
So as soon as i fall in love with what seems like the perfect news publication, they have to go and incite murder in Afghanistan by printing what turned out to be a likely false story about someone flushing the Quran down a toilet. Fucking Figures.
-=-=-
"He confessed to four more slayings in Conneticut and New York. He also raped most of the women. Last fall, he announced he was abandoning all appeals because his victims families had suffered enough"
From USA Today - about the first person to be executed in Connecticut in the last 45years, despite protests from public defenders, death-penalty opposers and his own family. Michael Ross, 45.
-=-=-
Is it unAmerican to ponder whether or not the quality of life in Iraq may have been higher under Hussein's regime? Well, those he deemed worthy of living. Its only politics.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/05/12/iraq.livingsurvey/
-=-=-
Wow. Gas prices are rising and falling faster than the Homeland Security Advisory System. An did i hear something about Ridge talking shit about that system? Didnt he create that?
Now who wants to give a peepshow to the TSA?
http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/2005-05-15-airport-xray-bottomstrip_x.htm
-=-=-
The Nepalese Army has rescued 600 students from commie rebels.
Hundreds have died in Uzbekistan. More up-to-date haziness here...
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0518uzbekistan18.html
Business-place amphetamine use is up 6percent from last year.
1616 US citizens dead since the start of the invasion of Iraq as of 5/17/05. A british poll of official Iraqi deaths puts it at about 20,000 to 25,000 (only those accounted for). A nice lady named Marla Ruzicka was counting bodies herself after suspecting a deliberate denial of figures from US forces in Iraq, but she got killed.
Only 217 shopping days til Christmas!
-=-=-
Villaraigosa Landslide.
I had a feeling. I should have bet money on it.
I also had a feeling that there would be no necessity for a recount, despite the growing trend.
-=-=-
Isnt some movie coming out on Thursday?N
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| X and Chocolate |
[17 May 2005|02:59am] |
Juggernaut has been cast, and it is he...
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005068/
Yeah. I mean i still dont know how good they can make Juggernaut look in a live-action film, but Vinnie Jones is awesome anyway. Thats right, BULLET-TOOTH!
And, uh.. yeah. Charlie and the Choclate Factory still looks weird.
This guy...
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0746989/
Who you may or may not recognize from other films requiring shorter actors, is playing the Oompa Loopas. All of them. Just think about it.
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| Midnight train to outer space |
[17 May 2005|12:55am] |
How many phone calls does it take to tag-team the idiot-sisters?
How many packs of matches can be handed out to attractive asians?
How long has that ink-stain looked liked a cat's head without any recognition?
Am i slowly filling with hate? A hate submerged in my psyche when in the presence of others and maybe even forgotten.. until i am alone again and wanting more. Always wanting more.
And what makes you think i can go back?
Let me be a dumb brute with no sense of understanding. A simple, confident being with no self-hatred, no remorse, no room for fault in my concave head. A self-serving animal, taking anything and only for himself.
My anger at this moment is indescribable, but who the fuck wants to hear that? Fuck feeling bad, its not natural. We can have anything we want cant we? We have our looks (crooked media images), we have our money (just borrow, earning is worthless), we have our friends (so far away), we have our health (breathe fetid air and wait for the big bang)... Bourne into a world of those we must envy for what they created before us, how are we suppose to live? New lives are obsolete. If anyone can do something then whats the point in doing it? How can we all desire the same and justify our existence? Who wants to be a rockstar (American ass-fucking Idol)?
This isnt thinking, i am feeling stupid anger. This is envy for all those smart enough to succeed and without the faintest sense of paranoia. I want you to die so i dont feel so bad about my shallow inadequacies.
What motivation does one have to lead? Do people have natural character traits ingrained? Do people feel such things instead of formulating the thought? Does talent truly exist? Do people have a knack for certain things or can anyone be trained to do one thing the same way using the same method of learning.
Skip
Skim
Skim
Skim
Hate.
Fuck.
Love.
Trip.
What part of me wants to smash and kill and shoot gunpowder into your eyes right now? To stream bullets into your abdomen before swiping your face with a golf-club? Is it the cartoons i watched as a kid? Is GI Joe at fault for my violent tendencies that i never actually act out? If that is so, then why dont i hate snakes or communists? Is it that deep? Well, i would enjoy a shot at zombie warfare.
If women were treated precisely as men then wouldnt we ultimately lose our sense of gender? Is this one of those thoughts that keeps me from successfully dating? I couldnt see how any girl could cope with whats in my head when i dont even know whats coming next. And i could never just be a warm body, for not only is my figure unappealing and my wallet bare, but i couldnt keep my mouth shut long enough (unless i was still in paralysis from first meeting).
Are people stupid and ugly? When the evening started, i had no reason to doubt myself. Now i have no reason to think that i am smarter or better looking than anyone. Fact = some people have reduced thought capacity? People you might regard as stupid could know more about textures than you do. Some may see aura's but not have the tongue to explain them. Maybe blind people hear better. Nah, couldnt be.
Communism will work... as soon as we find one to rule that is absolutely incapable of lying and derives power and presence from it. Our pioneering spirit wouldnt allow for such a system, i guess. We desire change, exploration (though not as much anymore), and the need to make things our own. There's just too fucking many of us. We need to expand, already.
So to get the ball rolling, im going to build my own space-shuttle out of oak wood and pewter, fueled by Jagermeister (because nobody needs to drink that shit). I will not need air, i will simply smoke for the entire voyage (and anyone who thinks that space is a vacuum completely devoid of oxygen necessary for lit cigarettes and burning Jager, then watch Cowboy Bebop). I will claim Jupiter as my own because it is the biggest planetoid nearby and i'll need to stretch out once i get there. Though soon after starting the drug-farms, i will need highly imaginitive reality-benders to help be build an empire worthy of being a base of universal and dimensional exploration. We will retain none of these earth-laws save for any regarding murder, rape, incest, robbery, internet spam, etc. Cars will not be necessary for commuter travel, though we will have cyber-parks simulating driving on any earth-road in any vehicle loaded into its database. in fact if wanted to cuise in a boat down the autbah we may haeve that capability as well. We wont have those reality-benders for nothing.
I need ass, grass, and gas. And i already get good gas mileage.
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| Head-Jibber |
[16 May 2005|03:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
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- Need to get your head out of the clouds, boy!
- Well, why?
- Cause thats where the reality-jets clip your temple and make it bleed.
- What if i catch a tailwind?
- Then fly.
- And if i fall?
- Then keep your back to the ground and your eyes to the sky.
"Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair..."
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| I'm Minnie-can't-Driver |
[16 May 2005|02:57am] |
Should i kiss Johnny Depp to get a free designer handbag?
Like anyone needs any extra incentive to kiss Johnny Depp.
SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE.
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| Closer to the farther... |
[16 May 2005|12:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hot |
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| [ |
music |
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Big Band, Baby |
] |
I can only think of one thing that would make me smile right now.
Ballroom dancing. Big band Jazz-like. Maybe im mixing genres, but i have a song in mind. One to slow-dance to, cheek-to-cheek, hand-in-hand. To me, this can be more intimate than sex (though my memory may just be failing me). The song in my head may be "In the Mood", by who, im not sure. You all would know it if you heard it. I want to dance to it for hours, uninterrupted, minds and bodies enveloped in the rolling sound as we sway around a dim-lit dancefloor.
I want this so much i could cry. But i would be smilely faintly behind the tears. Because the dancing is still in my head, even if it cant be real. This image of dancing makes me feel so... lovely. Makes me feel really - "wanna be with somebody lovely".
So fucking scared of the unfamiliar. When youve monumentally fucked up such things in the past, its kinda hard to try something new again, even if the two things are incomparable. And maybe the same idea could be applied to relationships with people.
This music is making be wish i had danced in more parking lots when things were simpler. When time and people and magic was more abundant.
I think i would look less disgusting with longer sideburns. I did cut all of my hair off today so anyone expecting to see me anytime soon, be warned. Lord, but could i feel the difference while passing through gridlocked heat.
I need to call more.. be more.
I need some tea despite the lingering humidity. I almost feel a lung-tainting coming on. Havent actually been sick in quite some time. Those darn non-smokers i live with have been through at least 1 illness apiece since i have endured anything of the like.
Swing dancing still frightens me. Well, the actual swinging and twriling and hurling of your softer partner. I dont wanna toss somebody into a wall. They might not want to dance with me again. Something Waltzish i could manage, thanks to Jolly.
Time to do some research and stir some tea.
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| Last Icon for old account |
[12 May 2005|04:22am] |
Freakin' Beautiful.
If i had seen this before the election i might have voted for him.
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[12 May 2005|01:40am] |
So i guess if your black, live in Compton, and somehow attract the attention of the sheriff's dept then you should be fully prepared to be shot at a ridiculous number of times.
"Contagious fire" is a term used by the LA County Sheriff's office that is used to describe inefficiency, piss-poor communication and itchy trigger-fingers (some of them were under the impression that the suspect had killed two deputies). It also seems to occur often enough to have its own title.
120 bullets were fired into a white Chevy Tahoe by 10 deputies. The driver was hit 4 times but doesnt seem to be dead. Maybe so many people are driving big-ass SUV's these days to shield them from all the protecting and serving.
Again, im sure most of you are questioning what the hell the guy was doing in the first place to have 10 deputies on his tail. I want you to imagine the same situation in Ventura County. For fuck's sake, i have watched chases in these neighborhoods and i have seen these people chased around all.. day.. long.. and subdued without any gunfire. Maybe Brentwood, Bevery Hills, and places like that have more money to burn on wasted time and resources. Or maybe none of them want to take the chance of shooting Lindsay Lohan in her new Escalade.
Think whatever you will of all this, the fact is, people in these neighborhoods we try to avoid are expendable to LA county. Lindsay Lohan is not.
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seanzythewhite's journal
